


Better Than A Poke in the Eye

by defeatedbyabridge



Category: Red Dwarf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-24
Updated: 2007-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:06:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1640510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defeatedbyabridge/pseuds/defeatedbyabridge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lister's going blind from lack of sleep. Rimmer's just going blind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than A Poke in the Eye

**Author's Note:**

> Written for MistoKitt

 

 

Lister woke up from the most fan-smegging-tabulous dream because he was being poked in the arse.

Again.

"Leave it out!" he groaned. "I was dreaming about the Cat and me going on the train to watch the zero-gee football finals!"

Rimmer said, "That's unusually homoerotic of you, Listy! I'm sorry, I just can't stop touching your arse." POKE. "Of course, I have to wash my hands afterwards," POKE. "but it's just too hard to resist. Your arse is - unlike any substance known to man." POKE.

Lister considered rolling over to face Rimmer, but decided against it given what Rimmer was likely to touch next. But a compliment was a compliment. "Well," he said happily, "it is all part of the Love Machine that is David Lister. Gotta keep the machinery in peak condition."

Rimmer's face materialised next to his. Lister let out a small squawk. "No, that's not it," Rimmer said thoughtfully. POKE. "It's just that it's so - spongy. It bounces back whenever you poke it." POKE. 

"Any chance you could go poke someone else in the bum for a while?" Lister said, yawning. He buried his face under his pillow again. 

"And another homoerotic comment!"

"Hey, I'm not the one poking another man in the behind, Rimmer." 

"I have to touch SOMETHING."

"What about the Cat?"

"No, he nearly clawed my eye out."

Lister sighed. He'd thought Rimmer's hard light drive would be an advantage. At last Rimmer could actually kind of, sort of, help. But of course it had all turned out to be a problem for everyone else except Rimmer. Nearly as bad as the time Holly had drunk holo-champagne and then spent the next 24 hours doing doughnuts around a supernova, yelling wheeeeeeee.

Lister beckoned Rimmer, who obediently leant closer. Lister whispered in his ear. 

Rimmer stood up, eyes wide in wonder and delight. "You mean I could - you really think so? I know hard light is good, but can I really do that?"

"It's gotta be worth a try, man," Lister said wearily. 

"Rightio!" And off he trotted, licketty-split. 

Lister went back to sleep. 

 


End file.
